My name is Sunday Best and I write raunchy romance fiction
I leave Mills & Boon for dead with my erotic sex depictions.
My heroines are independent, smart and scarcely clad
My men are hung like horses and they tend to be called Brad.

Life seems simple when you’re starring in a sexy story
But actually it’s complex, not just constant morning glory.
My characters are real to me – alive, writhing and bucking
And sometimes things get out of hand cause they’re so busy … something.

So I wrote this handy guide for my heroines to live by
An ambrosial alphabet of sexy lady etiquette.

A is for ‘aaaaaaahhhh’ – you’ll be saying that a lot.
B is for baby, not the kind in a cot.
C is for career, because you’re smart as well as pretty.
D is for dangerous, cause you like your heroes gritty.
E is for erect, what you create with friction, and
F is for foreplay, cause you’re in a work of fiction.
G is for girth, the bigger the better, and
H is for hot – it also makes you wetter.
I is for illogical, like most of all your plot twists.
J is for KY jelly, but just in the books on the Sexy Series list.
K is for Krystal, which is how you spell your name, and
L is for your lover, the stallion you’ll tame.
M is for member – as in anatomy, not club.
N is for nubile – like a slinky tiger cub.
O is for oh … OH … OH!! … there’s no more to be said. And
P is for pulsating, which is what you do in bed.
Q is for questions you shouldn’t be asking, and
R is for ripe – your real age is for masking.
S is for sexual healing, the only kind of medicine, and
T is for titillation – a land where you’re a denizen.
U is for uterus, yours ain’t that important, cause
V is for vagina; yours is never dormant.
W is for writhing, which you’ll do on command, and
X is for your rating – thanks to your mammary glands.
Y is for YES, your favourite expression, and
Z is for zipper … now you’ve learned all your lessons.