Dear Ms Thatch,
I am, quite simply, your biggest fan. I await delivery of your stories with breathless anticipation (I live on an isolated country estate and our postman has a terrible sense of direction and an intermittently reliable bicycle, so my dedication to your work is evidenced by how long I often have to wait for it). As an amateur writer (Nordic romance is my preferred sub-genre), I would be honoured if you could reveal how you write such flawless and enticing prose.
Yours in admiration,
Lady Penelope Le Moat
I suspect you will not be surprised to discover that you are far from the first budding authoress who, longing to emerge in bounteous writerly bloom, has rapidly reached a tremulous quill in my direction in a quest to query the crux of my craft. Welcome.
The secret, Penelope, is simple, and I fondly (and rather cleverly, if one may be so candidly self-congratulatory) refer to it as The Titillating Trifecta: alliteration, adjectives, and adverbs. Pepper your prose with these particular properties, Penelope, and it will become a positively phosphorescent shade of purple: a conspicuous and compelling clue of quality.
Of course, having never been an ‘amateur’ at anything myself, my advice might be too advanced for you to implement immediately, and Nordic romance is an area with which I feel content about retaining my current condition of non-familiarity.
(I also suspect that your postman has fabricated those details about his geographical and transportational capabilities and is, in fact, keeping my stories for himself. It would not be the first time.)
Yours in whimsical wordplay,
BA MA GradDip Cert IV Small Business Management