Here at FFA HQ, we receive literally tens of fawning fan letters every quarter (approximately). Sometimes our kindly members dip their quills into the inkwell of writerly wisdom to help smooth the unsightly frown lines of ruffled writers seeking recherché recommendations on rhetoric. Such wisdom-seeds are then sewn into our Pearls of Wisdom section to benefit the advice-starved writing masses.

Dear Valkyrie,

My words can’t describe my love for your work—because I’m not good with words. I want to be a writer like you one day, but I know that will take time and practice. Do you have any advice on how to deal with criticism before I become perfect?

Yours in Writerly Regard,

Dear Patience,

Every time I hear that my word-sparkle has brought magic into someone’s success-impaired life I get a little of my own magic right back. My thanks.

It may surprise you to hear that my writing is frequently the subject of barbarous remarks from flagitious little ant-people who have not yet become self-actualised. When this happens I question their execrable motives. It almost exclusively transpires that their miasma was born of maleficent jealousy—except in those instances where the person is simply wrong.

Just hoist your chin up, Patience. Hold your head out high and say to these people-ants: ‘Do you have ANY IDEA WHOI’M GOING TO BE?!!!’

Unless, of course, your work is genuinely awful; in which case I’d advise you to make it less so.



About the Author

A highly intelligent, natural born leader, Valkyrie Cul-de-sac is the Convenor, Grand-Vice-Executive-Chancellor, and Supreme Foundational Member of the FFA. She is aware of many awards. 

Among Valkyrie’s myriad gifts is a preternatural bespoke-artisanal-boutique-couture writing talent that is the envy of other people’s eyes; but she does not let their jealousy affect her generosity. Valkyrie formed and commands the FFA as part of a commendable philanthropic desire to ‘give something back’. 

She is also the unwieldy ego alias of Jackie Ryan, who can be found in digital form at www.jackieryan.net and www.burgerforce.com